


Saying Goodbye | SPN 14x12 Meta

by CastielLover20



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, spn 14x12, spn 14x12 meta, spn meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 15:48:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17552543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielLover20/pseuds/CastielLover20
Summary: SPN 14x12 Meta | How would Cas react in the news of Dean wanting to lock himself in a box in the bottom of the ocean?





	Saying Goodbye | SPN 14x12 Meta

"I made a deal Dean" Castiel whispered as he had bowed his head, trying to manage all these overwhelming feelings. He was mad, angry, desperate, heartbroken. "I made a deal, but now thanks to you, I know I won't ever break it," he said and forced a small fake smile at the hunter, his eyes red, as the angel was ready to cry. 

Dean froze on his place. He hadn't seen the angel like that, not ever again. But this was a lie. He had seen Castiel that broken, once. At the time that Cas had made the deal with Crowley. And Dean doubted his love and loyalty to them. Doubted his cause. He walked closer, not knowing what to say. Seeing the once bastard, heartless son of a bitch that called himself a soldier, ready to cry for one's soul, made him feel like the worst person in the world. "Cas, what the hell did you do? What kind of deal?" he said, holding his friend's shoulder. He wasn't angry. Or mad. He was worried. What the angel did once again to save their asses?

"Does it matter? I know I won't break it. I know it now. Because of you, I won't ever break the deal, and we will suffer together for eternity. As they wanted" Castiel said, his voice suddenly breaking as he still didn't stare at Dean. 

"What does it mean Cas? What the hell do you mean, explain to me now!" Dean's voice now was demanding. He didn't want to leave with that question on his head, he didn't want to regret this goodbye.

Castiel looked up then, his eyes were filled with tears, and he stared deep into Dean's, full of hate. He grabbed Dean's arms and pinned him to the wall. "I made a deal to save Jack. I made a freaking deal up there when Jack was dead. With the Empty. They wanted to make me suffer for the rest of my life. So at the point, I would feel slightly happy, I would die. A life of suffering, with no escape. Only death. This is what they wanted. And now, that you will be gone forever, I know I will never die because I will suffer forever. And so you will. If you do that, you will never rest. You will never be in peace. So you will fucking join me" Castiel was panting as he had pinned Dean against the wall, softly trembling, unable to calm down.

"What... Have I done to you Cas?" Dean mumbled, he himself ready to cry.

Castiel just pulled back and turned his back. "You weren't even willing to tell me, right? You didn't even want to say goodbye. I question why you changed your mind, that would be easier." he growled.

"I didn't want to say goodbye to you, because I thought you wouldn't let me. You would stop me, lock me, force me not to do that. But now I know why..."

"Because you hate me so much? Because all I did was mistakes? Because I am not your family but Sam, and Mary, even Donna is?"

"No, shut up!" Dean banged his hand against the table. "Because like Sam, I don't need much to hold back. Just one word from you and I will step back. You see why? Because I love you, both of you, and I can't handle the thought of leaving you behind!" Dean said now breaking down too. He had promised to himself not to cry.

"And still, you are doing this!" Castiel said as he stepped closer, his eyes lighting with anger. "If you do this, you have to do me a favor. It's a selfish favor, but I want you to do this for me."

"Anything you wish."

"Kiss me"

"What?"

"Kiss me. That way, I will feel happy, and I will break the deal. I will die immediately. And I won't have to live for the rest of eternity and know you suffer in a damn box. Let me rest in peace. Kiss me" Castiel sobbed.

"Are you saying that you lov-"

"Yeah, I do. I always did. Now do me that favor." he said in a cold face as he swept his tears

Dean took a deep shaky breath, panicked. Should he actually... Kill Cas? This was what the angel wanted. But Dean couldn't do it. Deep down he had this stupid hope they would meet again. He would be out of the box again and Cas would be there. He knew it was cruel to have Cas live a life full of suffering. But he couldn't kill him. He couldn't kiss him. No matter how hard it was. "I can't"

"You stupid bastard," Castiel said and cupped Dean's face, forcing him to a slow and intimate kiss. Dean wanted to pull back, but he couldn't. This was the most sweet, soft, genuine kiss he ever had. He couldn't stop it. He didn't want to stop it. If this was the last good thing he'd had, he wanted to keep it as long as possible.

When Castiel pulled back, he looked at himself. He was still alive. "It didn't work..." he whispered. "Considering the circumstances, it wasn't enough to make me happy..." he said and bowed his head again laughing at first, hysterically, but after a while his laughs turned to loud sobs.

Dean hugged Cas tight, placing the angel's head to his neck, so he could cry freely. He was rubbing is back, with slow moves, crying himself too. "I am sorry... For everything..."


End file.
